the insights to me(amplified)

Never like before..

2012-01-15T21:48:00.001+08:00

Sigh, I was thinking... Alot. I had my dignity compromised, my ego deflated all to apologised. But it wasnt recieved the way I wanted it to. I was thinking. About the things Ive done but it feels like Ive been taken for granted. At this point, I really feel like it would take more than losing my life before anyone shows any appreciation. Sigh.. I have lost myself in the problems of yesterday and it will never be the same as before. Its gonna take a miracle to bring me back and even for saying this, I get called selfish.. You dont know what its like on my end. Where you give and give but nothing is returned. And when you threatened to walk away, you are deemed as selfish. I have nothing more to give. Ive given you my all and I have nothing left. Im tired and drained. And I deserve to think about myself this once.
You know all my life, I always wanted that person who would die just to make me smile. Put his ego down just to wipe my tears away. I would really love to have someone who would rather die than to live a life without me. Or do everything in his power to get me back. Ive never felt that special to anyone before. But what saddens me is that I thought I had sucha person:'(.. Sigh.. Ive come to a realisation that Im not being appreciated as much as I would like to be. I wish you would just see what Ive done for you,especially knowing my background. Sigh. I will never be the same:'(

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Aint no fool

2012-01-15T11:37:00.001+08:00

So you decided to leave me in my time of need. Somehow you managed to make it about you. Amazing really. You wouldnt accept the fact that you made me upset and you left.
"Stop harrassing me", he says.
Wow. Tears roll down my eyes like nvr before as I tried to put myself to sleep. Woke up in an unfamiliar environment. With the queasy feeling in my tummy. Seeing all these numbers.
And the only thing I could remember is that line. Sigh. You can seriously take back all your broken promises that you never want to make me cry.
There's only so much I can take and this is just putting me over the edge. That line keeps playing in my head and it only means YOU've broken up with me.
Dont worry, I'll come to terms with that. Cause if you leave me at my times of despair (when I needed you the most), you bloody well dont deserve me at my best.
After me giving you my best everytime, I dont deserve your best too? Im too much work for you? Its ok. Leaving you, I actually lose nothing. Hah! Infact, I save more. More time for myself and more money too. You know I cant believe you took the cowardice approach to this problem. You really fooled me once. Took down my fb. Cause you dont deserve to see how im doing, good or bad, after walking out. Sigh. Im still in disbelief. You have a nice life. I hope youre happy cause even in break up I gave you what you wanted. Stopped all communication. I hope this is one of those moments where I can say be careful what you wish for.
I'll try to get over this.
"stop harrassing me", he says..

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Impossible.

2012-01-14T14:25:00.001+08:00

Gosh, all I needed was a lil.reassurance and you couldnt give me thay. Instead, you just walked away. You know what that tells me? That your toy is obviously more important than I am. And this is what I get. For trying to help you in so many ways and trying to be there for you. This is what I get. Are you serious? After all I did for you, you would choose your toy over me? Really? Rich bitch. Yea I said it. You cant even make an effort to see if Im ok. Livin your good life and after all what am I? Nothing to you right?? Even though I had to learn it the hard way, Im glad I know now. So I can move on. You pretended to care. Why? Why did you pretend to care? What have I ever done to you to deserve this? You wanna make me feel worthless and embarressed? Well congratulations! Cause its totally working.
Just so you know, every night before I go to bed I prayed for you. For you to be safe and happy. For the Lord to protect you.
Everytime, Im with you I always go.out of my way to help you. And this is what I get in return. You obviously dont want to have anything to do with me so why did you play with my feelings. You of all people should know I already have people in my life doing that. So you decided to join em? Im pretty sure if I died tonight, it would be good riddance for you. I cant believe you are acting the way you do. Its not the person I used to know. Then again, you decieved me very well.

Tell them I was happy. And my heart is broken. All my scars are open. Tell them what I hoped would be impossible.....

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A lil reassurance please?

2012-01-14T01:46:00.001+08:00

You say you dont understand even tho I put it in the simplest way.. Issit cause you choose not to understand? Thats not fair. I tried to be special. But it seems like it isnt enough. Demoralised and torn apart, you didnt even asked why I cried.. I'll back off. I'll hide out within my walls. Atleast till I get out of this depression:(

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playing with emotions, playing with fire...

2011-11-20T18:18:00.001+08:00

Ok.. Its has been a hell of a roller coaster ride. Being depressed is no joke.. You dont eat well. You isolate yourself. You physically deprive yourself. Socially, you lock yourself up. Its not fair that you do this to ne and dont expect me to be angry.. Who the fuck do you think you are?? You know if i were to walk away or call it quits, i lose nothing. I still have my life and family around. But you my friend, you lose practically half your life.. You'll be alone and frankly back where you started when you first came. Bitch i was sad. I became depressed. And then i forgave. Now im pissed. You dont deserve my effort.. Why? Cause youre ignoring me. And may i ask why?? Cause you found a new toy to play with? You dont deserve anything from mw just by the way youre treating me. You make the effort. You dont respect. And frankly i made the effort to try and reconnect but after that last conversation,the feelings i had just flew away. I cied cause i couldnt believe what was happening.. Your misery made you a jerk. And you had to put it on me.. Qhy do i have to go through that? Why do i have to put up shit with u? Have u ever made the effort??? NO... So till the next time i see the 'old you', have a nice life. Cause im done with your nonsesne. Oh, and grow up will you?

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A letter to you

2011-11-16T18:53:00.001+08:00

D,
I want the man I love back:( Please....

M.S. .

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heaven hear me now

2011-11-16T08:53:00.001+08:00

As I lay me down,
Heaven hear me now.
I'm lost without a cause, after giving it my all...
Winter storms have come.
And darkened my sun.
After all that I've been through..
Who on earth can I turn to?..
The rain is falling, defeat is calling..
I need you to set me free.
Take me far away from the battle.
I need you. Shine on me.
I look to you...

(My exact feelings... )

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beautiful fate

2011-11-12T22:30:00.001+08:00

As sure as the sun will rise, I know the feel of the new day brings about new possibilities. Hopes refreshed. Challenges to face. The problems of yesterdays fade to grey the moment the clock strikes midnight. And I awaken with a sincere smile on my face. The comfort of self satisfaction. Im not perfect. But I know I have to accept my reality before I can make any changes to move on. It has been a.struggle but I've come to terms with myself. And interestingly enough, after I accept myself, life got.a little more sweet. Get over heartache without a care in the world. Accepting constructive comments and bringing myself up. It may be hard at first but who said it was easy.
But life wasnt that easy. Not till I opened my eyes. Through all the fights and misunderstandings I grow a lil wiser. And when Im ready to forgive, I'll love you a lil deeper. Because I know you need that assurance. But I pray that God gives me the strength not to depend on you so you yourself have space to grow. To be a better person. Through our times together I've seen you through many predicaments just as you see me through mine. What I love about it.is that you stand WITH me.

And so as days pass by, I hope we learn alot. Love more. Grow together. Support each other. Forgive. And most importantly.... Live. :*
Love you...

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purple rain.

2011-10-16T10:39:00.001+08:00

Brought me to tears.

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for you.

2011-09-17T13:13:00.001+08:00

Your lies are piercing through your masquerade like blood oozing from a stab wound. You think you can get away with this? You better drop this facade of yours or your conscience will leave you drifting away like a wraith. Souless. Emotionless. And by that time, it will be too late to ask for forgiveness. Cause you were too full of yourself. And even the person with the biggest, wouldnt recinsider the thought to leave you behind and move on. So watch your back. Sooner or later.

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appreciate pt2.

2011-09-04T00:36:00.001+08:00

"The answer will come to him who tries to see his life through heaven's eyes.

So how can you judge what a man is worth. By what he builds or buys. You can never see with your eyes on earth. So look at your life through heaven's eyes" -Prince of Egypt.

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appreciate

2011-09-04T00:23:00.002+08:00

"Now that you know the truth, don't forget to be content. When the gods give you a blessing, you don't ask why it was sent" -Prince of Egypt.

:) I pray to keep you forever with me.

Not your property.

2011-08-30T21:31:00.001+08:00

"I'll be braver, I'll be my own saviour. Standing on my own to feet.
I won't let you close enough to hurt me" -Adele.

Sigh... Just when you found something beautiful, the voices around you tell you not to keep it. To desert the one thing that finally makes you happy cause all these years the pressure these voices give you bring you to your breaking point faster than it is to say "speed of light". You thought you had the support but it takes you getting into a fight for them to tell you that they dont like it. Cause now that my time is spent elsewhere, they cant get used to the fact. So am I supposed to present myself to you like a slave everyday so you can use me as and when you like?? Im not liberated to have my own life yet? Do you have any idea how old I am? And the fact that I need permission to live my life is quite pathetic. Sadly yes, still being restricted at this age Im positive that I have some sort of mental disorder. Its funny how I havent break at this point cause I cant imagine to what extent I have to go to before I break. You know I always wonder.. If I died, would yall cry?? Right now (and as always) I really dont believe that yall would. Cause yall never really showed that yall care. All yall ever gave me? Was dictatorship. Yes. "Dont do this". "Do that". "Follow whatever I say or I will throw you out". Thats kinda all the words I remember of you. It is so bad to a point where I fear falling ill. Not because of the pain and discomfort. But cause of the scoldings I would get on how I was wasting money falling ill. Cause I know when I wont get compassion but neglect. So I ask, if yall truly think of me as a waste of time then why do you want to dictate my life? I am not a pawn in your chess game. And not your property. I am a human being. A fact you have been oblivious to.

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what are words?

2011-08-26T21:55:00.001+08:00

"What kinda guy would I be if I was to leave when you need me most" - Chris Medina.

I really wish people would mean that.
The feeling of loneliness just sucks you in. And its one feeling you cant bring yourself out of. The most dangerous feeling cause you think you have nothing to lose at the monent which drives you to do stupid things without much thought. So when you promise someone you'd be there, be there. Make your words turn into action. Show that you care and love unconditionally. Cause a person can only come out of the darkness with a strong helping hand. Cause chances are when the person is lost in the lonely abyss, she might never come back. And when she doesnt, its too late. Then what?? But when she knows she has someone whom she can count on, she feels like her existence on earth is acknowledged. And thats probably the only thing I need right now. Apart from having alot of love in my life.
What do you do when you have so much to say yet you dont cause you dont wanna seem weak. Cause you dont want to drift apart?
Well, whats the point if continuing this masochistic torture then?
Its starting to feel very one sided. I never asked for this. And its hard holding onto it too.
I deserve an angel. To be by my side always. Not literally but shows that I'm loved and acknowledged. I feel everybody deserves that. I know I'm somebody's angel. But I'm still searching for mine.

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She will.

2011-08-25T11:38:00.001+08:00

Karma's a bitch. So make sure the bitch is beautiful. Make sense?
Think about it.

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arent my prayers heard?

2011-08-18T21:46:00.001+08:00

So Ive had this uneasy feeling for quite sometime. I dont know why. I cant explain. How does it feel when someone you love put walls around you so there isnt any means of communication? For no reason(or atleast i think so!). let me tell you how it feels.. Kinda like it was your fault.. Like you did something wrong although I cant remember what I did wrong. My gosh I dont understand why you're being so selfish. And I definitely wanna hear your excuse for it this time cause frankly speaking if I were you, I myself couldn't come up with a damn good reason as to why the walls were up for 2 whole days against me. Im not your marionette to play with. And frankly Ive tried on my part. Tooo many damn times yet you still refuse to budge. Is this what I get for loving too much?? Sweet talker you are. I wanna see how you sweet talk your way outta this. And just when you turn towards me, Imma play your game with you and see how you like it. And I dare you to beg me cause if you do, you'll definitely get whats coming to you. No trust, no us. And you my friend aren't doing anything to make me feel safe. Which makes me wonder.. Whats on your agenda?? Definitely not me. Let me ask you this, if I did the same, would you let it fly by?? There is nothing here which exactly points towards trust. And I thought I was doing everything I can to make it work but you are doing nth. I wanna see what happens at the end of this week. If not, I cant commit. Yes you get it dont ya. Every minute there isnt any respose, I get myself ready for the worse. Lord Im reaching out to you. Ive prayed everynight for this to work but if it has to end like this, I pray you keep me safe and sane cause I know even though I may not be happy about things in my life, you always open doors for me towards more happier, more permanent things. The only thing I can say is it was good while it lasted:p And I learnt from my mistakes. Lord bless and protect me please.

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this one's a keeper

2011-07-25T23:34:00.001+08:00

Today I stumbled upon this line. "Real men love curves. Only dogs love bones." Which is so true. :) Gives me a reason to smile. And another thing. A man who can appreciate your body, love your insecurities, respect your boundaries, understand your reasons is truly a gem. He touches your hairy legs, says your beautiful without make up, checks you out while youre in your sweat pants, goes all out to make sure youre okay. When a guy like that comes around, grab him. Cause it is probably the best thing you could ever ask for. And savour it while it lasts. I thank god everyday. I pray we last. I pray for you.

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sense of belonging

2011-07-22T13:45:00.001+08:00

I dont feel like i belong anywhere. Not at home. Not at work. Not anywhere. Dont feel like im being noticed or supported. Not listened to. Being used but not appreciated. Im gonna be a working adult soon. The transition isnt gonna be easy but i have no idea how im gonna cope. What if i do get more depressed. I do have goals. But it feels like someone else's. That person should know who. Forced to do alot of things without reasoning. How can you send me back there?? I felt as if my well being wasnt any of your concern. Thats when i realised that i didnt belong.:'(.. Im just afraid that if i dont find my interest or my zest to live.. Or even love for that matter, i might lose it.
With tears in my eyes, i pray God gives me something to live for cause it seems nobody want me but everybody wants me for their selfish gains. :'(

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save the hero.

2011-07-21T23:12:00.001+08:00

Gosh i do not feel like living anymore. I dont have anything to fight for. No support from anyone for anything. It hit me like a train today. Why do i feel this way im not sure. I feel like and island. With voices that whispers my thoughts. And weather coherent with every emotion. Visitors do come and go.
"who's there to save the hero after she saves the world??"
Right now i should pray for meaning. Simple yet deep. Sick of the superficial.

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back!

2010-11-26T16:16:00.001+08:00

Man its has been eons since I last posted...

So much shit has been going on.

I just wanna say, things we have to do, are always not easy.

But it makes us who we are.

Sometimes we wanna hold on but we really need to be kinder to ourselves.

So in the pursuit of our own happiness, sometimes we gotta break a few glasses.

Nobody said it was easy.

I wanna talk to ya but I dont wanna to.

See what kind of mixed feelings I have cause you're so fucked up?

2010-06-10T12:29:00.002+08:00

It has been a long while since the last post.
Well, a lil ups and downs but who doesnt have those days aye?
I just wanna highlight a certain issue that took up most of my time a few months back. And I am sure everyone has met that certain someone at least one in their lives.
This person is somewhat fascinating when you first get to know him. ( or, as I would like to say it, portray himself to be). And then later while you think he's cool and all, he blows up at your face and shoots at ya words you dont deserve to hear. Why? Cause he aint happy bout something. And when he's mad, the whole world goes down with him. And YOU are expected to know him in and out. Know what makes him tick, what does not. And you are supposed to work your way around him. Cause lemme say, that he portrays himself as a friend worth keeping. So you have to change your ways to accomodate him or BOOM! he blows at your face.
He makes you feel bad when you dont cater to him and when you try to explain, he cannot be bothered to hear it. Cause in the end, it is all. About. Him.

After all that, you sit down and you think what is wrong with you cause you keep feeling bad about yourself.
I have been through this ordeal myself. And it left me thinking how selfish this person really is. How can they be? Why?
In the end, I realise that it is just not worth it that I even keep in contact with such a person. Im not saying I dont know how to communicate with such people.I am not saying that I cant tolerate such people. I could. But why would I wanna put myself through hell?It is not fair that I give but I dont get anything in return. Im not expecting any but any relationship ( friends, BGR, parents etc) , it is always a give-and-take situation.
When I took a step back, I was appalled by the fact that people have the cheek to behave like this. At the same time, it was a big whole chunk of weight lifted of my shoulder. When I am with someone, especially with my friends, I wanna be able to be myself and not be cautious about what to say or do incase i hurt your feelings.

Friends dont make you feel bad. They understand.
Friends dont tell you what to change about yourself. They accept you as you are.
Friends dont stop communicating after a fight. They forgive.
Friends dont put you down. They bring you up.
A friend. It is something I'll never have you as again.

Im not gonna tell you what you should do, cause right now, that is frankly none of my business.
Im not gonna wish you well, cause frankly, I really dont see how you could go far with that attitude.
Im not gonna curse ya, cause frankly, Im too good for that:)
karma will take its course.

* Live and Let Live*

2010-05-11T11:17:00.002+08:00

okay listen up n****.
If you wanna open up a crossfire, open it up in the correct street. the correct district.
Dun blow up the whole state.
Cause I think you're forgetting that I run this town.
You better watch what you say and whom you say to or I will put a halo at the back of ya head.
You take charity when you need it and blow up at people's faces when you like it.
You need some manners and You need to know that is not just how the world works hunneh.
You need to control. You need to let loose. You need to know your boundaries.
You need to know whose back you're rubbing.
You need to know your capabilites cause you are overestimating yourself.

What goes around, comes around.
You dont like my town, get out.

back and rockin!

2010-04-17T19:39:00.002+08:00

just so you know, i havent forgotten my blog...

ahh...You know the time when you feel at your lowest?
You dont know what to do. You dont know what to think?
You wanna be all by yourself thinkin it will make the situation better..
And what if it happens one too many times.
How do you deal with it? like seriously..
Especially when you are so determined that all this things happen for a reason and it'll be better sooner or later.
Well, what if it doesnt.
How does one keep going?
And honestly, I may have been through shit in life..
But I still feel its nothing compared to those survive through real problems.
And Im speaking bout having no food for days. No clean water to bathe in.
Gotten Raped.No chance to go to school.
Salute to those people who still have the zest to live, the will to change and inspire many people around them.

If you think you got it bad, there's always someone out there far worst off than ya.

make a change.

better go and getcha armour.

2010-01-08T15:55:00.002+08:00

2010.
New year and its a New me. started of with the hair. As everyone can tell. I cut it...yes! damn short. everone's like, "your hair was so long. so wasted that you went to cut it."
My reply? "hair grows back!"... so chill ppl. I like to experiment. hah!
2009 wasnt the best year for me. emotionally was draining. physically tiring. But hey! these things only make ya stronger right?
I have many goals for this year. I am stronger. I am smarter.
if anybody disagrees, then you can kiss my ASS!
ok lets end this on a good note:)
Love the feeling of the new year. Positivism. and I've never felt like this for the other new years.
Its good and I hope it continues.
like really really.
Lately Ive been feeling really happy. like "sweet nothings" kind.... I have no darn idea why but I do. haha!
I've learnt to be less critical and appreciate more. something everyone and anyone can learn to do. Or we'll just start hating ourselves (yes! ladies. ya knaw what i mean!)
Its time to get into the prime of my life:)))))))))))))
damn.....
and eileen!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA!!!!

*ps. she reminded me that I havent updated my blog for 2 months:P

*I know I aint crazy.
I know I aint tripping.
I know I aint flipping.*

The Coffee Shop Experience

2009-11-11T14:12:00.002+08:00

Part 1
Sunday morning and my siblings and I decided to have our breakfast at the coffee shop below our house. So we went. Got seats and all. My brothers went to order their food along with my sis so I just sat at the table and waited. Then this lady came to me to take our order for drinks. By that time my siblings were back and we ordered drinks.
Then she replied, " ok. I'll get it for you".
Nothing special? I know. But I thought it was rather awkward. I spotted a tinge of basic "waiter-to-diner" etiquette.
Then she came back with the drinks and however my sis gave the wrong order and wanted to change it. After the amendments, the lady replied, "ok. give me a minute and I'll get it for you".
I was like..wow...
I've never seen people like this before at a coffeeshop...
And after paying her, she replied, " thank you sooo much".
seriously. its nice to have people like this at a very typical, busy coffeeshop:)

part 2

Then it was my turn to order. And so I went. I wanted the fishball noodles so I told the lady attendant at her stall, "one bowl. Fishball noodle. Dry with chilli."
She stared at me and went "huh?"
then I decided to try what I normally wouldnt and said, "one bowl. Fishbarr nooder. no soup. Dly wif chirri".
And guess what. She totally understood! haha...
Damn she needs to learn how to speak properly:P

2009-10-16T14:38:00.002+08:00

man..im really sick and tired of seeing Jennifer Aniston in love flicks..as in, in the movies..
It kinda gives her the kinda persona that she's a love failure...and truly speaking, we've seen that A-lotta times...and Im talking bout off the reels...first brad pitt..then vince vaughn..then john mayer....next who??
I mean seriously, after watching all those movies with her in it, and with the story line of how she's looking for love, probably make guys give up on her...always looking for love and end up a sad old lady munching down chocolates...
LOOK at Megan Fox on the other hand...all the roles she's playing is making her even more desirable in the eyes of the media...which gets you thinking, does the roles these women play have an affect of their personal and public lives off the cameras??
maybe soo....
and ALL of this? just a thought....

2009-10-13T14:20:00.002+08:00

Impressionism...
a way of art.

Angel.
By Kapustina Elena

2009-10-13T14:14:00.004+08:00

hand in hand..
even if our days are numbered.

2009-10-11T18:27:00.003+08:00

Give me wings, I'll fly.
Give me pain, I'll cry.
Say you love me, I'll smile.
Maybe you're that worth while.

maybe you're not.
But it takes a person to try.
sacrifices.
laughter.
sorrow.
love.
either way, you're part of my growing up.

DROP IT, DROP IT LOW GURL

2009-10-11T17:50:00.002+08:00

Drop It Low-Ester Dean ft. Chris Brown

Omg I love this song! makes me realise why I fell in love with Hip-Hop in the first place...Love the beat..damnit! and the Video...is pure booty-shaking man...with Chris Brown on the side dancing too..damn damn damn!!!
Ester Dean! kinda like the next missy elliot(she looks like), only difference is she sings and she dances..
awesome shyt!

2009-09-27T15:21:00.002+08:00

I've just caught 'Twilight' the movie..a lil late I know.

The movie was somewhat weird yet captivating. I say weird cause of the Cullen's foster kids. They're suppose to be foster siblings but they have a thing for each other. except Edward cullen of course. Or he wouldnt have been attacted to that human gurl..oh shit I forgot her name.

Anyways I dunno whats the big deal with gurls going crazy over Edward cullen. He's weird. I dig his foster dad. Dr.Carlisle Cullen. Now HE'S what I'm talkin bout...haha..pale skin coupled with blonde hair..the totally unique look that catches my eye...played by Peter Facinelli of course...but he doesnt look anything like that in real life...wasted..anyhooo...the red indian dude in the movie is also a good looker....Jacob...yes he is...and of course not forgetting CAM GIGANDET!!!

And yet I still dont understand all the 'whoo-haa' with Robert Pattinson...seriously...

anyways moving on...I can never call it a complete movie unless I've listen to its soundtrack...and there was this particular song that REALLY caught my attention...man..the voice and the lyrics....the music...damn...and I found out...it was actually sang by Robert Pattinson himself...awesome job right there...I'm definitely putting it as my background music for my blog if I can find it..which I will :)

Robert Pattinson-Let Me Sign

2009-09-23T18:42:00.001+08:00

so I've been downloading a hell lotta songs...I really need to update my music library..
And I must say, R.Kelly still has his thang going on...damn...his songs are like getting better...just makes ya wanna move to tha tune of it:)...OOOHH..nice!

2009-09-05T15:48:00.002+08:00

One Time-Justin Bieber
I finally got a hold of this song.
And I must say, I totally thought it was gonna be a small black dude...
Kinda imagine like the smaller version of Bow Wow...
with the braids and all..
when I saw the video I was shocked!!! It was a white dude...
I was like WHAT THE HELL???
acting like he from the hood and stuff??
And I was like what the hell does this small boy know bout love????
haha...and USHER's in the video too???
srsly....
BUT, having all that said...the song is nice luh...
he can sing....
:P:P

her diamonds

2009-09-05T14:44:00.002+08:00

Her Diamonds-Rob Thomas.
LOVE the song....can totally relate to this song too.
anyways..back in attachment again..yes, AGAIN!. and guess what, we had to do Sch-health services for this attachment and I got attached to my primary school. like cool aint it.
Firstly, the distance and travel time is like super short.
Secondly, I get to sleep in and wake up later than usual.(HEAVEN I tell ya)
Thirdly, it's like walking down memory lane.
Unfortunately, for the 9 others following me, they had to travel super far...
Like the nearest lives in sembawang...like FAR RIGHT!!
anyways, went to the sch canteen during our break and the canteen vendors actually remembers me!!!They said my face still the same..haha...
And the teachers as well...but didnt talk with them that much la...
Kate was mentioning that I left that sch 6 yrs ago and they stilll remembering me, I must have really left an impression....
I was thinking bout it..and I cant think of any...I was pretty much a normal kid laaa.....
maybe gettin into trouble here and there..but still normal...
saw a few cousins there.....one of which was really irritating...the next day, she pretty much had the cheek to still come and talk to me.....something wrong somewhere I guess? LOL...
NEXT week its pretty much Back to the usual...TTSH....
here's to another 2 weeks...
may I stay in good health to conquer the 2 weeks of hell....

Sunday Morning:)

2009-08-17T15:57:00.004+08:00

ok..yesterday.
Had an eventful day aye:)
Headed out in the morning for mass at church.(yes imma good gurl)
But it was so stuffy in church.
And nobody *i swear* could concentrate on what the preist was saying(not quite the good gurl:P)
Anyways, its been long since we did catching up (Maria,Sylvia and I)
So we headed down to macs to chat.
Then Maria and I headed down to Orchard Central to support my uncle in the MJ dance competition.
Pity Sylvia couldnt come cause it was fun.
ok.So it started off with the junior category. DAMN CUTE the kids that came out to dance...
Then it was the Adult category.man.20 contestants.some were painful to watch but we gave our support anyways.
and MAN!! some can even win the look alike competition if they had one..SOME CAN REALLLY DANCE ALLSOOO!!!! Made the crowd go WILDDDD man...
Maria and I were like screaming like helll....
My uncle danced well..too damn well...i was shocked...like I literally thought that he talk the talk but couldnt walk the (bloody) walk. But I was WRONG...I am so gonna go for the next round and support him....
OH YEAA!!! And there was this guy that really look like MJ..no kidding..
Maria was shy to take a pic with him but I pulled her to do it. DAMN..haha
He ccan dance too.....
All in all, this comp was exciting...seeing what the ppl had to put out there....
and there's only three ppl im supporting in this. My uncle, the MJ look-alike and another malay tall dude that totally stands a chance at winning this too:)

btw, there were chinese ppl that tried to imitate MJ with looks and dance as well..my gosh..hahh
one of them had short hair and attached strings to his hat to make it look like he had long hair!! haha
and the other? was like kungfu michael man....NO COMMENTS...:)

im really psyched bout this:)

2009-08-15T13:36:00.002+08:00

hoookay..so havent been updating lately. anyways finally finished up my projects. now is the great almighty exam period.. damn..and then its attachment AGAIN!!! but this time I know it wouldnt be so bad. just a lil update right there for those who think im dead. well im not.
just not around much.

Speaking of the latest. EVERYONE's been telling me how good the movie "the hangover". I want the least bit interested in it. But I went to watch it. Solid good movie..PLUS!!! the soundtrack is AWESOME!!!! I can Still particularly remember the kanye west song in the movie..AWESOME!!!the story line is different and everything...
I caught it with my sis. And because we caught it on a weekday, the theatre was particularly empty...like only a handful was inside...the movie was funny but I could only hear me and my sis laughing...DAMN! these idiots dont appreciate the beauty of the humour of this movie!!! they only laughed at the obvious jokes...I bet these idiots didnt even understand any of the jokes!!!
DAMMIT!!
anywhooo..given the chance, I'd watch it again:)
But I still wanna watch G.I. Joe too...
all in good time baybehh..all in good time.

2009-08-06T12:29:00.000+08:00

omg! i hate STATISTICS..
om so glad its over...and im so done with it!

2009-07-30T12:52:00.002+08:00

ahhh..just re-did my blog..really proud of it..actually i needed inspiration to blog again:P

moving on....i read in the papers:

parents shun away daughter after she was being raped by a few men. according to their culture, it brings shame to the family when the girl is being raped.

RAPE: is when a gurl is FORCEFULLY made to have sexual intercourse with a man. without consent.

its not like the poor gurl had a choice. and plus, she is 14? perhaps. why shun away from her at a time she needs her parents the most?my gosh.

i tell you what.. how bout you teach your sons how to respect women so you wont have to shun away from your daughters. i mean srsly, is having to hear what others have to say more important than being a parent? you'd just throw away your flesh and blood after carrying it in you for 9 months?

where is your brain at......

2009-07-02T13:41:00.001+08:00

i hate being sick..

esp at the wrong time.

now i have to waste my saturdays doing make up.

thats frustrating:(

2009-06-26T14:41:00.001+08:00

Michael Joseph Jackson
1958-2009

he will be missed.

*before you judge me, try hard to love me.
look within your heart, then ask
have you seen my childhood?
-Childhood,Michael Jackson

2009-06-18T13:48:00.002+08:00

I really think people have lost their individualism.

When I see people, I see the perfect analogy for the phrase,

"Monkey see, Monkey do".

little gurl

2009-06-10T14:00:00.000+08:00

little gurl.

every fibre of your being breathes courage,

knowing that everyday brings danger.

every tear you shed bears hope,

living to one day get out of hell's gates.

every heartbeat parades your strength,

dealing with reality's barbarism.

what you're dealing with..I can only imagine.

dear little gurl, you don't deserve this..

2009-06-03T12:48:00.002+08:00

Fairytale words you say to me.
The lyrical lies you sing to me.
And I ask, Is it the vodka talking?
You touch my skin.
And I look up only to see the mask you put on.
It's the things we do for love that keeps us together. Or more like trapped.

2009-05-29T16:44:00.002+08:00

soooo....

so much for updating my blog.. been really busy with school.

i've been losing track of time. it sucks. people talk bout it like it your fault.

6 weeks into school.piled with new subjects. i think i really wasnt prepared for it.

like i've been relaxing too much and now, everything has been slapped onto my face.

the outcome? probably a brain concussion.....coma? pick one...

thats how it is... projects and tests. Then again, that's what school's for right?

right now i'm in class. double tasking. blogging and listening to the lecturer.

She(lecturer) is just standing there. talkin a hell loada nonsense that doesnt make sense. or atleast to me. i just cant seem to organise the information she's giving me.

STATISTICS TUTORIAL...WHY do we NURSES have to have this module?????

WHY???? im sighing like half the time during the bloody tutorial.

im hearing her. but not really listening to her.

why does schools pay people like her to talk nonsense? to waste people's time? to teach the wrong people?

wait wait...why am i here in the first place?

maybe i should skip to something more light-hearted.

oh shit. there's nothing light-hearted in my mind at this point of time.

or maybe there is. but i just dont want this post to get any longer. (since when i actually blogged out long posts??)

im starting to sound like my so called granny..

im cranky...

and im just staring at my lecturer's face.

I have got every reason to feel like I'm that Bitch.

a break, in need I am.

to clear my thoughts.

2009-05-21T13:33:00.002+08:00

whoooo...
guess what? i had a post birthday parteh! at the arena..yeap..courtesy of my very generous cousins..lol! actually had a sweet 16 party at their place. and the club thingy was so unexpected to say the least. but i had so much fun! poor thing the BDAY gurl couldnt make it...underage..

anywhoo, went to the club..
and the bouncer looked at me and was like " Can i check your ID please?"..
and i was like whuttt? dont i look older than 18?
well..took it as a compliment...haha!!
and we got our picture taken..AND ITS ON THE ARENA WEBSITE!!!!
hell yea...the very first one...COOL RITE...
oh..as usual..a cute bartender as well..haha:P:P
dancing the night away...then drove back home.....
now just waiting for confirmation to come...dressed all white!
im so hyped bout so many things to come.....
PLUS..im checking out some DC shoes online....EFFING NICE...but they dont ship it out of the US....DAMN IT....argh..
trying my luck on VANS......

2009-05-11T11:31:00.003+08:00

im back..for good..actually i miss getting my thoughts out there..and no i havent cut my hair..but i will:) i've already found the perfect cut...just need time..

anywhooo...i have nothing to write at the moment..(i know. i need a slap)

just lazing around and feelin all "18-year-ish"...its no biggie..

i just dont understand why everyone makes a big deal outta it...but i totally appreciate what my friends did...super sweet of em..

thank you thank you thank you:):)

*right now im really thinking bout what to write but i cant...so i'll just stop here...

DAMN IT..effects of having your blog on hiatus for so damn bloody long...

weird all over

2009-01-05T19:09:00.004+08:00

Hoookay...

today has been awkward all over...so awkward I need to let it all out..

Like from the start of the day till the end....

Firstly,(in school) I was walking with my friends toward macdonald for whatever reason I cant seem to remember...

So I was looking up into the carpark cause it was a steep slope( I like to look everywhere when I walk)..and I noticed a few people at the carpark. Two of whom were chinese guys...but I didnt really pay attention...until my friend told me that one of the guys was actually smiling at me...

Of course in disbelief, I turned to see if she was right.

And so I turned. and he smiled at me..like a wide smile. I stared at him for a while..and I was like," no I dont know you"...seriously though..wth right??

And I had my first chinese role play today...awesome it went. my lecturer was told me that I spoke with the best clarity among my members...damn happy!:D

okok..second awkward thing of the day...was walking outta the school with my buncha friends rite...and heard some music..like speaker music...it was coming from some *ramesh's car...the most irritating bout it was that before he drove off, he had to make scrrreeeeaching sound...ya know? the friction caused between the tires and the road when acceleratin WITH the brakes on???...BLOODY TOOT....oh Im sorry, asses just dont know how to use their brain sumtimes.

well, there's more...but anyone who knows me will say that I took alot of effort typing this out...

SERIOUSLY.

And btw, I know that the background music is not english.

It's Korean.

Wrong Number-DBSK.

I know whatcha thinking, but its nice okay.....

and no worries.the rest of the songs in the playlist are english songs:)

Its like a special theme music to let people know that my phone is spoiled.

I mean you can send msgs and stuff.

But I wont reply.

cool?

aight.

I WANT SHORT HAIR!

new year resolution.

2009-01-04T09:21:00.002+08:00

The new year has set in.

The most frequently asked question is, "So what's your new year resolution?"

Inevitable. but I have no answer for ya kid.

The reason being,the term itself is quite ridiculous.

"new year resolution"

So are you trying to tell me that you only find resolutions cause its the new year?

Or maybe you are sticking to your resolution throughout the start of the year and after that you let your life rot till ANOTHER new year.THEN you start the cycle again????

However...I've come up with a list of changes that I wanna make for this year.

mmmm..let's call this "Things-to-change-or-achieve list".

ahhh..nothing like a list of challenges to keep you motivated, eh?

so here goes..

Things-to-change-or-achieve:

1. To be more "enthu" in studying.[trust me, I'm getting into it:)]

2. To exercise regularly.[Its the feeling of statisfaction]

3. To achieve better grades.. [duh!]

4. To achieve a holistic sense of well-being [spiritual,physical,emotional etc...you get it]

5. To leave my DIABOLICAL ALTER EGO in the trash cause I wanna be the good person.

I dont want my thoughts and evil thinking cloud my decisions about almost anything. I dont wanna judge people. Play it cool and nonchalant.:)

So there ya go. Short and oh so sweet.

I'm just taking it a day at a time.

OH YEA....and I wanna make it a point to go to church too...Its the feeling of peace that you get.

"Some people think that the physical things define what's within

And I have been there before, and that life's a bore

So full of the superficial"

-Alicia Keys, "if I ain't got you"

take it from this line....

2009-01-04T09:04:00.002+08:00

"Guys are afraid that gurls will laugh at them.
Gurls are afraid that guys might kill them."
-Gavin De Becker,author of 'the gift of fear'
most of the time, as shown in rape cases, guys target gurls because they are nice.
Being nice with a total strangers allows opportunities for you to give away personal information,it seems. And being nice gives the "predator" the idea that you are opening up to him.
So trust your gut feelings, cause it doesnt pay to be nice all the time.

2008-12-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

I have grown in every aspect of the noun "human being".
Still, my journey is a long one.
Transition from the young and mischievious to the older and nonchalant being.
Significant indeed.
Fear of inferiority and helplessness, now non-existent.
Sometimes, I feel Im still not ready to move,
even though otherwise.
Constantly I reminisce.
Looking back at things that eventually became memories.
Sweet. And bittersweet.
And I cant help but laugh to myself.
The sillyness of the young mind. Having no care in the world.
Beautiful.Utterly.

Come back to reality.Epiphany struck.
As I prepare for more endeavours to come.
A deep breath. Looking Ahead.
As i pray for guidance, for love.
The future,something I will shape.
I will conquer.

now a celebratory drink, if you will.

a toast to good things.

2008-12-21T13:21:00.000+08:00

ok..so it has been so long since i have EVER blogged what what i REALLY did...
and im so bored..and down with flu..
so here goes..

yesterday.was a satudarday.(duh!)
made my way to church.
on the bus, saw beverly.
a very old friend of mine.
nice to hear she's doing well.
moving on....
entered church and saw maria there..poor thing she waited for me and sylvia but i came slightly late...god knows where the other gundoo went.
bout 5 mins later that gundoo came...
suffering in the heels that she was wearing...
and omg.during the whole mass...i tried to make an effort to concentrate.
but sylvia kept laughing at lil things she sees around.man.
and maria enjoying every hymn being sung.
ME.standing there like a stoner.unless sylvia starts her engine again.
Hey..i made an effort to concentrate ok...
then head on down to macs.
and maria and sylvia kept saying how different i looked comparing the times i was in sec sch...
haha..thanks man..but i really don know how to react to such compliments...
ate at macs. and talked alot.caught up.
heard that o lvl results are coming out next month.
good luck to all my friends waiting for it.
after macs...went to sylvia's house..maria went home..
and i felt awkward cause it was ram's b'day..and all his friends were there....
after the cake cutting i went home..
and that's that.

actually..there's more to it..
but im lazy to actually type it out..
so now you understand why my blog is not really a life journal??
cause if it was, i swear i'd be good at essay-writing.

as for now. imma bounce.
this flu is killin me. and there aint no way im gonna choke on pills.
sleep is the best.

ciao.

2008-12-17T11:14:00.000+08:00

School Life is a Bitch.
Actually not the life lived. But the selfish, inconsiderate people that dwell in it.

You speak of your own groupmates being selfish.
Wanting them out of your group so that the group will be efficient in the future.Or perhaps maybe you do not want to jeopardise your marks in the future.
Arent you being selfish for wanting this?
And yet you have the cheek to accuse other people of being selfish? Inconsiderate?
And the (fucking!) fact that you SPECIFICALLY brought MY group into your group's problem?
And yet you expect this matter to stay within your group when YOU specifically brought my group into the matter?
Do you seriously think I am gonna shut up when i hear this?
HELL NO!
You talk to other people about my group and how we do our work.
Let me tell you this, my group is not perfect. We have flaws and I KNOW we are not the best of the groups.BUT STILL, i am willing to make it work with my group and I am NOT selfish as to chase other people out of my group cause i do not want to jeopardise my marks.I am willing to give my group members a chance cause I know I am not perfect too. I know my flaws.
But the thing about my group is that we put aside our differences and we communicate.
I do not want to say anything about your group as I do not wish to stoop as low as your level.
But let me say this.
What we do and how we do it, is our business.
Your comments(whether good or bad), is not appreciated.
And if pinpointing is how you deal with your problems, i am SO SAD for you.
As you can see, my group does make me angry.I DO make my group angry.
But we forgive and totally forgive and we TRY to improve.
We are young and we are materialistic.

Unlike you.
old. alone. dependent on others.
a senior among us.
so sad.
a taste of your own medicine.
sweet? i guess not.

OH LOOK CLASS! looks like we have another sly snake among us. beware.....

Dear people,

What I am trying to do here...is fight for my group.They have their own prerogatives too.
Any comments? please direct it to my face.(especially the person who brought my name for NUMERAL TIMES)
Thank you.

2008-12-17T00:51:00.000+08:00

English.
The very common medium through which people communicate with.
The language that is.
Its world-widely known.
So how can anyone not know the basics of sentence construction?
Simple adjectives or verbs.
Nouns.
Or even conjuctions.
Subjects,objects.
If you dont know english, you basically cant communicate.
Especially in a multi-racial community like singapore.
And if you cant communicate,you cant survive here.(in s'pore)
Am i right to say that?
I truly think i am.

what im trying to say is.....

I went to the coffeeshop near my house to get myself breakfast. so i went to get some chinese food.Pau. I ordered. And the shoplady (a chinese) asked me if I wanted it packed and i agreed. After which she told me something in a dialect,which I am so sure it wasnt mandarin, as if it was a question. My reaction, "huh?". And she kept repeating that same line over and over again like as if that was ever going to help me understand. Her assistant could not even help cause she didnt know how to translate? perhaps. But she kept repeating it OVER and OVER...
I got pissed. By this time i was thinking, "LOOK AT ME!!! WHICH PART OF ME TELLS YOU I CAN CONVERSE IN YOUR DIALECT???"
Its a pretty rhetorical question.
And people like that shoplady can actually be seen in a car driving off after work.Like WTH man..
Honestly, I am sick of seeing people in the service sector who can only speak mandarin.or malay.or tamil for that matter.
Learn English people.Its good for you.

Its hard to believe i didnt swear much in this post.

2008-12-17T00:15:00.000+08:00

" i carry your heart.
i carry it in my heart"...

random..but beautiful.

2008-12-14T09:50:00.000+08:00

Melissa

/məˈlɪsə/ [muh-lis-uh]
melissa "honeybee" (Attic melitta)
Ancient Greek: Μελισσα

Means "bee" in Greek. This was the name of a nymph that cared for young Zeus in Greek mythology. It is also the name of the fairy who helps Rogero escape from the witch Alcina in Ludovico Ariosto's poem 'Orlando Furioso' (1516). As an English given name, Melissa has been used since the 18th century.
oooo....

the leaves and tops of the lemon balm (Melissa officinalis)that are a source of citral and have been used as a diaphoretic in the form of a tea
*my dad used to grow this!*

Melissa Virus that hacks your computer.
*have you heard of it??*

2008-12-09T12:14:00.000+08:00

See You In My Nightmares-Kanye West ft Lil Wayne.

[Kanye West]
I'm cold (Yeah), I'm cold (Yeah), I'm cold (Yeah) (Yeah)

[Lil Wayne]
I got the right to put up a fight
but not quite cause you cut off my light
But my sight is better tonight and
I might see you in my nightmare,
oh well how did you get there
cause we were once a fairytale
But this is farewell

[Kanye West]
I got my life and it´s my only one
I got the night, I'm running from the sun
So goodnight, I made it out the door, door, door, door, door
After tonight, there will be no return
After tonight,
I'm taking off on the road
I'm taking off on the road

And that you know,
That you know,
Tell everybody that you know
That I don't love you no more
And that's one thing that you know
That you know...

Okay I'm back up on my grind
You do you and I'm just gone do mine
You do you, cause I'm just gone be fine
O-kay I got you out my mind
And The night is young, the drinks is cold
The stars is out, I'm ready to go
You always thought
I was always wrong
Well now you know...
Tell everybody everybody that you know!!
Tell everybody that you know
That I don't love you no more
And that's one thing that you know
That you know

[Lil Wayne]
I got the right to put up a fight but not quite
cause you cut off my light But my sight is better tonight and
I might see you in my nightmare,
oh but how did you get there
cause we were once a fairytale
But this is farewell yeah

Baby girl
I'm finished I thought we were committed
I thought we were cemented
I really thought we meant it
But Now we just repenting
And Now we just resenting
The clouds is in my vision
Look how high that I be getting
And it´s all because of you
Girl we through
You think your shit don´t stink
but you are Mrs. P-U
And I don´t see you with me no more
Now tell everybody that you know
That you know!

[Kanye West]
That you know
Tell everybody that you know
That I don´t love you no more
And that´s one thing that you know
That you know
That you know
Tell everyone that you know
That I don´t love you no more
And that´s one thing that you know
That you know...

hauntingly good..

2008-12-08T11:48:00.000+08:00

you dont just call yourself DJ for nuthing.
you should SPIN that SHIT.
and be able to DROP it like its HOT.
to rep the streets, you gotta know the way..
the lingo of the streets.

them.fuck posers

2008-12-06T10:29:00.000+08:00

like a snake,
you slither your way through crowds.
leaving your sinful deeds behind.
like a peacock,
you strut your feathers.
seeking attention.
like a parasite,
you feed off other people's energy.
but like an idiot,
you fail to realise that we have brains.

what are you thinking?
YOU ARE UGLY...i get it.
why the need for attention?
ha!
and the women beside you.
you only kiss her to impress us.
wow.
are you trying to prove to us you're straight?
certainly not working.

and the women beside you.
if i knew my man is only holding me to prove to other women,
and if i accept that,
then i am just gonna bring my worth down.
i'd feel like a desperado.
i'd feel worthless.

to the both of ya.
lemme sing that song to you...
what was it called again???
oh yes...
*Desperado....
why dont you come to your sense.
climb down from your fences.
open the gate.
it may be raining,
but there's a rainbow above you.
you better let somebody love you,
before its too late.*

sylvia!
i'll try to update k??
no worries...

2008-11-29T22:25:00.000+08:00

this life.
this day that i live in.
where i am.
who i meet.
everyone knows everyone else.
it is truly a small world out there.

its shocking to learn your network of aqcuaintances.
who knows who.
and how they met.

back home.
help came in the most unexpected form.
thanks.
most appreciated.

2008-11-25T21:59:00.000+08:00

another friday night.
party-ed hard.
stayed sober.

for now, focus.
on the good things to come.

2008-11-09T16:15:00.000+08:00

friday night..

i hung up.
and all i was thinking of was,
"woah, does he really sound like that??"
teehee:)

needed to get that out...
blog still on hiatus.

2008-11-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

oo
blog on hiatus...
lack the determination to blog

so..
till i set my head right...

2008-11-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

2008-11-05T22:55:00.000+08:00

WOOO....
somehow it has GOTTA BE OBAMA...
its history made...
all white supremacists can forget bout all ya assassination plan and deal with reality now...
or better yet, go kill yaself...
that way, we got lesser people to deal with...
all's good.

we need change..

2008-10-30T00:51:00.000+08:00

teen pregnancies

i was watching the tyra show..
and this 15 yr old gurl wants to get pregnant purposely...to give her baby the love she never had...
how dumb is that???
and this american culture is getting too retarded..
they allow young/early teens to have sex..AS LONG as they have birth control pills taken..
or if they wore a condom....

you're a miserable 14,15 year old teen...
what the hell do you know bout sex and love???

just like tyra said,
"respect your body, respect your health, respect your body"..

2008-10-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

men are from mars
women are from venus

any cause of friction between a couple, it has to be because he is from mars and she from venus.
so if they had nothing in common,then why fall in love in the first place?
sorry may seem to be the hardest word but that's no reason why anyone shouldnt try.
sacrifices are necessary.
who ever said it was all gonna be about kisses and cakes??

think a lil bit mature for a sec..

2008-10-27T10:45:00.000+08:00

i seriously wonder why people wear shades at night.
and when asked, they simply go, "oh its FASHION what.."
well, its not fashion when function is not incoorporated with it.
its like wearing jimmy choos to a swimming pool.
and trust me, nobody wants to be mistaken for a blind person trying to look good.

2008-10-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

oooo
everyone is sch suffering from the flu bug..
i had my fair share..lol!
so who's next..

2008-10-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

another day another drama

yet another episode.
i scream.i shout.but im only human.
i refuse to be depressed cause i know i can get over this.
i refuse to be suicidal cause i know i want to live.
live to see you get better.to see you smile again.
all i need is your ear. just hear me out.
stand in my shoes and see the world through my eyes.
be in my skin and feel what i go through.
its more than just physical things now.
i want to help.i want to do more.
but sadly,im not given the chance to.
it's just not fair.
it's just dumb.

2008-10-18T19:54:00.000+08:00

in a few words...

sch just started.
time-tables's a mess.
im so starting on my projects.
wanna score good this semester..:)

pretentious kid

2008-10-12T14:12:00.000+08:00

oh my darling.
your ostentatious efforts, i am disgusted with.
if lies just feed your ego, then i am sorry for you.
if people's acceptance creates your existence, then i am sorry for you again.

glint in your eyes? allure me not.
rythm in your words? a screech in my ear.
suave character? oh my, pretentious.

now living in the shadows,
you cast yourself into exile.
karma has gotten you good.
but still i ask..
kid, oh my pretentious kid...
when are you ever gonna learn?

2008-10-11T22:24:00.000+08:00

dude.
i dont know you anymore.
the phrase "not bother you anymore" still stands strong in my head.
its better this way.trust me i prefer it.

true colors are out on display.
now i know.
your masquerade was indeed enticing.
but it all had to end.
your memory is no longer in existence.
and thank you but i dont need any reminiscing.
from now on, im flying solo.
my first class ticket outta this.

let me make this clear.
i dont know you anymore.

crystal? good....

flying solo..

2008-10-10T23:34:00.000+08:00

honestly...from the bottom from my heart..
i hate fake people. they can do so lil to piss you off but thank god im patient.

esp when you are close with em. and suddenly WHAM! they turn their backs to you.
like a...SLAP in your face.

its sad to say...when you try your best for em. the lil things you do to make em a lil bit happy.
but they are too caught up in themselves to notice. then you start to wonder if you should ever come out clean or wrestle with your other half inside.
i know. its a tough decision to make. cause either way, damage is done.

sooner or later you'll fade into evanescence. your presence is no longer recognised.
no one knows your name. and you'll be roaming around like a ghost with unfulfilled wishes.

2008-10-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

im finding friendster and facebook a lil bit too redundant...
thats right...
excessive and unnecessary....

and i missed camp...yea..
wanted to go for it...
but didnt...

but there are so many things im so lookin forward to..
one of em, sch reopening next week...
its almost 2 mths since my friends and i hung out...
2 mths too long...

2008-10-01T22:49:00.000+08:00

Eagle Eye

went to watch it today...AWESOME movie!!

tops my list..

GO WATCH IT!!

2008-09-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

jabbawockeez!!

omg!! i loveem!!!
their music remix is awesome...
their coordination is PERFECT!!
my god!!

and they are uniformly dressed so the attention is focused on the WHOLE grp and there's no such thing as lead dancer shit!
woah....

and they dance like WOOO!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftguaKjV7WM

WATCH!!

2008-09-27T21:10:00.000+08:00

i sit in my room
and i contemplate..
in deep thought
i lose myself..

the realm of dreams

come back to reality
and i see 4 grey walls..
cold and concrete.

destitute of warmth

i look outside
i see all things different..
hear music in every auditory effect of the city

affluent in beauty

2008-09-26T23:58:00.000+08:00

why dont ya do right??
like some other men do....
get outta here,
give me some money too.

2008-09-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

2nd week into the holidays..
and man do i miss school...like hell!!

oh yea..i hate it when my sis says
"man! yall should really go watch this movie!! oh yea but its M-18...."

dammit..it always gets to me..

2008-09-23T09:07:00.000+08:00

TAG reply!

melissa-XOXOsulastri:

HAHA!!! what the hell?
yall ACTUALLY went out???
yall nvr msg me sialllll!!! was waiting for more info man.....wei...
next time yall break fast invite me along la....miss yall seh!
last time i thought yall cancelled it...
miscommunication...............................................

2008-09-22T00:25:00.001+08:00

garhh!...
i hate hurting people's feeling.
its more like hurting yourself.
if you dont wanna understand why it had to be this way then i cant say much.
maybe i deserve this.
but i definitely didnt want it to be this way.

so we'll go our separate ways.

2008-09-21T23:40:00.000+08:00

*DESPARADO...
why dont you come to your sense?
climb down from your fences?
open the gate...
it may be raining...
but there's a rainbow above you.
let someobody love you...
before its too late..

grow up gurl...

im sure yall know who im talking bout...

2008-09-20T16:16:00.000+08:00

flu.flu..FLU!!!
day 3 from suffering the common cold..
hasnt subsided yet..
refuse to take pills...
water ain working...
feverish cold sweats...
soar throat has yet to set in..

*dad says he'd buy for me mineral make up compact powder*...(bloody ex!)
woo!
haha! i dont know why im so excited...

the only man a woman needs in her life is her dad...
because only he can provide security and comfort with unconditonal love.
because he's able to overlook her flaws.
because he only wants the best for his lil gurl.
because he will always be there for her,regardless of her mistakes.

trust me..i know..

2008-09-19T23:32:00.000+08:00

man im soo hooked on this song!!!

cookie jar-gym class heroes

Gym class heroes...
(The Dream)
Radiokilla killa

(Travis)
Hahaha You know what it is
Gym class heroes, the dream
It's hard to look innocent when I got cookie crumbs all over my face

[Chorus]
(The Dream)
I like girls
They like me
They look so good
In they're Seven jeans
Want you to be the one
And my only
I want be faithful
But I can't keep my hands out the cookie jar.
(Travis)My hands, my hands, my ha uh my hands
Can't keep my hands, my hands, my, uh, my
Can't keep my hands, my hands, my, uh, my
Can't keep my hands, my hands my hands out the cookie jar.

(Travis)
You see I got this problem
I need help tryna solve it
Cos meeting after meeting and I'm still a cookie whore
You can hide them, Imma find them, on the counter, in the closet
And I'll say I ain't do it with my face covered in chocolate
My girl be setting booby traps
To catch me eating Scooby snacks
I left crumbs in the bed once
But I told her I was through with that
She still don't be believing me
And I guess that I'm cool with that
But I got a sweet tooth, that'll never come loose
And the truth of the matter is.

[Chorus]
The Dream:
I like girls, They like me
They look so goodIn they're Seven jeans
Want you to be the one
And my only
I want to be faithful
But I can't keep my hands out the cookie jar
(Travis)
My hands, my hands, my ha uh my hands
Can't keep my hands, my hands, my, uh, my
Can't keep my hands, my hands, my, uh, my
Can't keep my hands, my hands my hands out the cookie jar.

(Travis)
I got a thing for Milano, Biscotti Italianos
And I never turn down some Oreos if you got them
Butter Pecan Puerto Rican, Or them Oatmeal Raisin Asians.
Hazelnut Brazilians, Macadamia Caucasians, Double stuffed or thin mint
It don't matter you getting it
Cos I got a sweet tooth that'll never come loose
And the fact of the matter is.

[Chorus]
(The Dream)
I like girls, They like me
They look so goodIn they're Seven jeans
Want you to be the one
And my only
I want to be faithful
But I can't keep my hands out the cookie jar
(Travis)
My hands, my hands, my ha uh my hands
Can't keep my hands, my hands, my, uh, my
Can't keep my hands, my hands, my, uh, my
Can't keep my hands, my hands my hands out the cookie jar.

(Travis)
I'm a monster for these cookies
I'm a beast for they're treats
An animal for they're crackers
Head to feet they so damn sweet
Can't keep my hands, my hands, my ha uh my
Can't keep my hands, my hands, my hands out the cookie jar.

(Travis)
And then you have it haha
I tried my best
I went to cookie anonymous
I guess I'm a failure
I can't seem to keep my damn hands out the cookie jar but,
It is what it is

do check it out...

2008-09-17T02:24:00.000+08:00

like how often am i confident to stand infront of a mirror and say i am ready to conquer the world today?

just a thought...

2008-09-16T23:49:00.000+08:00

hmm...
today...
so many good things to savour i swear i could blush...
teehee!

blush

damn

2008-09-16T03:11:00.000+08:00

*takes a deep sigh*

its 3am in the morning..
the results are just in for the semester..
man...
results....
i wish i can say those are just numbers..
unfortunately numbers that determine my future..
****
.....
results..what can i say bout em....
so shitty im not letting em pull me back...
.....thats a good thing,right????

looking on the bright side...i did well for BIOLOGY and PSYCHOLOGY...
hardest papers of all...
lol!
for now its just R&R for 4 weeks...
(hopefully i'll find sumthing constructive to do)

2008-09-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

she went to the doctor.

cheif of complaint? sleepless nights and anxiety.

doctor prescribed her a packet of pills.

she popped one pill.

EUPHORIA.

another pill.

and another.

out of pills and she desparately needed to get more of em.

she sold her belonging.she sold her ownages.

she sold her smile.she sold herself.

popping more pills, she became dependent.

loosing her dignity and herself.

soon her body couldnt take it.

organs start failing.

she had nobody to look for.

alone she was left to fight.

on her death bed.

in the small rented apartment.

with her very last breath, she said a silent prayer.

the very next second she turned cold.

cold.blue and alone.

2008-09-13T18:28:00.000+08:00

yesterday i heard the saddest story...

i know you, you know me
i love you, you love me
a text she recieved.

pls stop bothering me.
i'm attached..
was her reply.

guilty she felt.
she told him the truth.
she was 16 and he 30.

time passed and a connection was felt.
soon enough, he asked for a commitment.
she denied him..because of her pride.
but deep down she knows she wants it.

he still waited for her.
until he met with a terrible accident.
left him bed ridden...a punctured chest and a tube through his right lung.

she managed to see him for a week or two.
with every ounce of breath he tried to stay on for her.
a week later, he passed on.

she still loved him.
but procrastinated her chance to tell him.
because of her ego.
till this very day she still loves him.
trying to move on.but still loves him.

that gurl...is my friend...

life is short

2008-09-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

blog under ****ing construction..
my head is under ****ing major pressure..

2008-09-12T20:11:00.000+08:00

3 weeks past just like a snap...
definitely worth an experience...
now time for a good break..

wth..

2008-09-09T17:18:00.000+08:00

check this out...

IRAH thought i was a gangster JUST BECAUSE i asked her for a black pen on the first day of
attachment...HAHAHAHA!!!!!
cause she would have just shut up and not ask her seniors for a (bloody)black pen if she forgot it on her first day.....
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!
oh my freaking gosh!!!
GANGSTER????cause i asked for a black pen????
i dont get it.....
hahaha....

2008-09-06T12:54:00.000+08:00

5 weeks to go..

2008-09-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

i wish i was back to square one.
doing what i like..when i like..
being brought all this way and know that you are wasting time?...
oooh, just gets on your nerves.

wait.waiting.waiting......
soon enough, it will be like it never happened.

2008-08-30T09:14:00.000+08:00

end of my first week of attachment.
man, i deal with shit.literally.
ALL kinds of it.
period.

but its all cool..

addicted-saving abel

2008-08-30T09:06:00.000+08:00

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
All the sounds you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

Oh girl lets take it slow
So as for you well you know where to go
I want to take my love
and hate you till the end

It's not like you to turn away
From all the bullshit
I can't take
It's not like me to walk away

I'm so addicted too all the things
You do when you're going down on me
In between the sheets
All the sounds you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

Yeah

I know when it's getting rough
All the times we spend
Trying to make
This love something better than
Just making up again

It's not like you to turn away
All the bullshit I can't take
Just when I think I can walk away,

I'm so addicted to all the things
You do when you're going on me
In between the sheets
All the sounds you make
With every breath
It's unlike anything

I'm so addicted to the things you do
When you're going down on me
All the sounds you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything when you're loving me
When you're loving me

How can I make it through
All the things you do
There's just got to be more to you and me

I'm so addicted to all the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
All the sounds you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
It's unlike anything

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me

All the sounds you make
With every breath
You takeIt's unlike anything
I'm so addicted to you
Addicted to you

love this song..

2008-08-27T20:57:00.000+08:00

dying to be thin
dying to be beautiful in the eyes of the public.

girls go to such extreme to be exactly like what they see in magazines.
picture of people with HD make-up,lighting to their face...
and of course,photo editting....

to such extremes....
of eating paper and dirt...
and gorging on baby powder...
all to be a size "0"....

when you deprive yourself of basic necesities,your brain chemistry changes.
you don't think straight.
till you gorge yourself on paper and dirt..and still worry bout putting on "dirt calories"...
is there even such a thing?!?!
omg....
what is the world coming too...

think bout it

2008-08-22T21:59:00.000+08:00

something to think about....

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

2008-08-21T23:20:00.000+08:00

boy,turn me up and let me come
through your speakers.
boy,let my frequency just flow
through your body.

el muchacho, me da vuelta para
arriba y me dejó venir a través de tus altavoces.
el muchacho, dejó mi frecuencia
apenas atravesar tu cuerpo.

Taboo

2008-08-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

somewhere in india...

fathers can choose not to work in padi fields if they dont feel like it...family income???
through their daughters.
as young as 9 years of age, each girl can entertain up to 6 of her FATHER'S male friends.
as long as it brings food to the table, the FATHER allows it.
because of this, girls as young as pre-schoolers are diagnosed with STDs.
some even end up pregnant, with their FATHER'S FRIEND'S child.
and it's widely accepted in their society.

in the usa...

atleast one child goes missing EVERY 4 SECONDS.

where's hope when they need it the most???