Never like before..

Sigh, I was thinking... Alot. I had my dignity compromised, my ego deflated all to apologised. But it wasnt recieved the way I wanted it to. I was thinking. About the things Ive done but it feels like Ive been taken for granted. At this point, I really feel like it would take more than losing my life before anyone shows any appreciation. Sigh.. I have lost myself in the problems of yesterday and it will never be the same as before. Its gonna take a miracle to bring me back and even for saying this, I get called selfish.. You dont know what its like on my end. Where you give and give but nothing is returned. And when you threatened to walk away, you are deemed as selfish. I have nothing more to give. Ive given you my all and I have nothing left. Im tired and drained. And I deserve to think about myself this once.
You know all my life, I always wanted that person who would die just to make me smile. Put his ego down just to wipe my tears away. I would really love to have someone who would rather die than to live a life without me. Or do everything in his power to get me back. Ive never felt that special to anyone before. But what saddens me is that I thought I had sucha person:'(.. Sigh.. Ive come to a realisation that Im not being appreciated as much as I would like to be. I wish you would just see what Ive done for you,especially knowing my background. Sigh. I will never be the same:'(

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Aint no fool

So you decided to leave me in my time of need. Somehow you managed to make it about you. Amazing really. You wouldnt accept the fact that you made me upset and you left.
"Stop harrassing me", he says.
Wow. Tears roll down my eyes like nvr before as I tried to put myself to sleep. Woke up in an unfamiliar environment. With the queasy feeling in my tummy. Seeing all these numbers.
And the only thing I could remember is that line. Sigh. You can seriously take back all your broken promises that you never want to make me cry.
There's only so much I can take and this is just putting me over the edge. That line keeps playing in my head and it only means YOU've broken up with me.
Dont worry, I'll come to terms with that. Cause if you leave me at my times of despair (when I needed you the most), you bloody well dont deserve me at my best.
After me giving you my best everytime, I dont deserve your best too? Im too much work for you? Its ok. Leaving you, I actually lose nothing. Hah! Infact, I save more. More time for myself and more money too. You know I cant believe you took the cowardice approach to this problem. You really fooled me once. Took down my fb. Cause you dont deserve to see how im doing, good or bad, after walking out. Sigh. Im still in disbelief. You have a nice life. I hope youre happy cause even in break up I gave you what you wanted. Stopped all communication. I hope this is one of those moments where I can say be careful what you wish for.
I'll try to get over this.
"stop harrassing me", he says..

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Impossible.

Gosh, all I needed was a lil.reassurance and you couldnt give me thay. Instead, you just walked away. You know what that tells me? That your toy is obviously more important than I am. And this is what I get. For trying to help you in so many ways and trying to be there for you. This is what I get. Are you serious? After all I did for you, you would choose your toy over me? Really? Rich bitch. Yea I said it. You cant even make an effort to see if Im ok. Livin your good life and after all what am I? Nothing to you right?? Even though I had to learn it the hard way, Im glad I know now. So I can move on. You pretended to care. Why? Why did you pretend to care? What have I ever done to you to deserve this? You wanna make me feel worthless and embarressed? Well congratulations! Cause its totally working.
Just so you know, every night before I go to bed I prayed for you. For you to be safe and happy. For the Lord to protect you.
Everytime, Im with you I always go.out of my way to help you. And this is what I get in return. You obviously dont want to have anything to do with me so why did you play with my feelings. You of all people should know I already have people in my life doing that. So you decided to join em? Im pretty sure if I died tonight, it would be good riddance for you. I cant believe you are acting the way you do. Its not the person I used to know. Then again, you decieved me very well.

Tell them I was happy. And my heart is broken. All my scars are open. Tell them what I hoped would be impossible.....

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A lil reassurance please?

You say you dont understand even tho I put it in the simplest way.. Issit cause you choose not to understand? Thats not fair. I tried to be special. But it seems like it isnt enough. Demoralised and torn apart, you didnt even asked why I cried.. I'll back off. I'll hide out within my walls. Atleast till I get out of this depression:(

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